


The GAR galactic tour

by lunaemoth



Series: Change Order 66 [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Humor, Science, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23215849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaemoth/pseuds/lunaemoth
Summary: The 212th battalion has complaints about the galactic tour they are offered, but Lieutenant Tsix is doing her best with what she got.
Series: Change Order 66 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731298
Comments: 36
Kudos: 876





	The GAR galactic tour

**Author's Note:**

> I found this in my drafts. It was written while I watched some episodes of The Clone Wars. I thought it needed a bit more science and diversity so here I went to add that...
> 
> NB: I'm French and this hasn't been edited by a beta. If there is an issue, feel free to comment with a correction.

The briefing room of the  _ Negotiator  _ was packed with squads chosen for the battle on planet ground. Listening attentively while General Kenobi explained the plan, the troopers leaned forward on their seats of the amphitheater. 

“Is there any question?” the General asked finally.

None came. Their leader was a shrewd tactician and a great speaker. His briefings were always flawless.

“Very well. Now, for the scientific briefing, Lieutenant Tsix, if you please.”

The rare whispers died down as their planetologist stepped forward. The female omwati had a soft musical high voice. Forcing her to speak louder was just asking to get your ears ringing for hours. They had learned that the hard way, and Commander Cody was very attentive to not let it happen ever again: his sharp gaze swept over the crowd in a silent warning. 

The GAR officer uniform had to be altered to fit her willowy silhouette. It highlighted her slender everything, and if that wasn’t enough her crown of feathers were the kind of long white ones who stuck straight, adding twenty centimeters to her already considerable height of two meters — she regularly could be heard complaining about doors. 

She had no problem to be seen and noticed in the middle of humans. To be heard was another matter, especially since she was shy and it had taken her some time to get used to the intense focus of clones during the briefings. 

“Ryloth has a rotation period of 30 hours, which might be an issue for the human circadian rhythm. I understand that your presence on-site will exceed three days but shouldn’t be long-term, as such I recommend the careful monitoring of circadian sleep protocols,” the scientific officer explained kindly next to the projection of Ryloth, who was slowly turning on itself with visible nights and days.

Commander Cody nodded in understanding and added to the requisition list the necessary kits. A few officers grunted. Messed-up sleep rhythms were a pain to deal with: the men tended to get grouchy. 

“The atmosphere is Type I, breathable, but contains a high level of carbon dioxide and methane. This will increase explosion blasts by 4% and combat fatigue by 13%. Details are available in my report.” Medic officers and munitions specialists took notes and checked the report on their intranet.

“Gravity is at 1.11g. Temperatures on your landing site are on average around 40°C.”

A few groans sounded again, and someone muttered: “Is there anything going our way on this damn planet?” Indeed, droids didn’t have to worry about combat fatigue, and they could compensate for a slight increase in temperatures and gravity. For the clones, as sturdy as they were, it was all the more factors against them. 

Commander Cody demanded silence. 

Tsix looked up from her notes, her wide midnight blue eyes highlighted by the holoprojector, and replied: “I’m glad you asked, I wondered the same thing.”

Expectant eyes turned toward her, waiting for the good news.

She blinked slowly and smiled, showing her white pointy angled teeth reminiscent of a beak. “There is nothing. It’s terrible.” 

A wave of groans went through the troopers who shook their head or raised their hands in defeat. General Kenobi chuckled while Commander Cody rubbed his temple. This wasn’t the first time they fell for Lieutenant Tsix's very peculiar humor. She was a kind soul, a little bit naive, and she always appeared innocent and serious… until she wasn’t anymore.

Tsix laughed at their reaction, her dentition giving it a characteristic cackling sound. While it had been baffling at first, they had all gotten used to it. Her laughter was rather catching in fact, and they couldn’t stay upset for long.

“Thank you for this wonderful expert opinion, Lieutenant Tsix,” the General said fondly. “Is there anything else?”

“Yes. Fauna and flora,” Tsix said with a nod of her head, her feathers swaying hypnotically. 

“Let me guess. It’s terrible,” Commander Cody commented with dry sarcasm.

Chuckles went through the ranks. Kenobi had to raise a hand to his lips to hold back his amusement, but his wide smile and sparkling eyes betrayed it. 

“How did you know?” Tsix asked. Her wide eyes made her seemed deceptively earnest. 

The Commander had never fallen for it, however, not even the first time. He tilted his head expectantly while crossing his arms.

Understanding the message, Tsix smiled sweetly and went back to her report: “Local spiders are dreadful bitty venomous things as a whole. You shouldn’t touch them,  _ ever _ , even to squash them. If you do happen to be bitten, though, there is a plant you might use…” Tsix commanded the holoprojector to show spiders, cactus and a variety of different other details of interests. Once she had finished the overview and no questions came, she waved her spindly fingers and bowed. “That is all. The Grand Army of the Republic wishes you a good stay on Ryloth the Terrible.”

General Kenobi chuckled along with the troopers and straightened from his lean against the holoprojector. “Thank you, Lieutenant Tsix. As always, your briefing is… insightful.”

Tsix bowed her head, feathers moving along with a wave, and stepped back to let her superiors finish the briefing. A few words of encouragement from their General and the troopers were dismissed. 

The omwati waited for them to leave. Experience had taught her that being caught in a crowd of troopers wasn’t a good idea: they moved in an organized way that she was unable to match, which frustrated them and scared her a little considering that one hit from them, even unintentional, could put her down. Her species was known for their intelligence and memory, not for their sturdiness.

Her assignment to the 212th had been a learning experience for them all. They were few non-clones in the GAR, even fewer females and fewer non-humans. The first weeks had been… difficult.

“Lin.”

Lin Tsix turned and smiled at her General. He had been the one to bridge the gap between her and the clones. She was grateful.

“You did very well today.”

She emitted a small chirping noise, expression of her pleasure, and pressed her hands together. “I have to thank you, General. Your suggestion to use humor to bridge the cultural gap was most excellent.”

“You do it admirably well, Lieutenant.”

“Thank you, Sir. I have asked Trooper Joker for recommendations in comedies and have consequently watched 35 hours of holoshows for reference,” she reported proudly.

The General blinked in surprise. “I see… That’s very thorough of you, Lieutenant.” 

Waiting for his superior near the holoprojector, Commander Cody cleared his throat, hiding his mouth behind his fist, but he looked… amused? Did Lin say something funny?

“Thank you for your excellent work, Lieutenant. We’ll keep you up to date on our progress. If there is anything worthwhile to know about the regions we go through—”

“I’ll update your information brochure on the tour immediately,” she promised. The General and Commander’s amusement informed her that the tourist comparison was appreciated. She noted to find new jokes on the theme for the next briefing. 

*

“Shit. Spider!”

“Don’t squash it,” Waxer warned his  _ vod _ , catching his fist before he could. “Remember, Tsix said they’re highly venomous. Just, shoo it away.”

Grumbling, Boil pushed the hand-sized spider with the tip of his rifle. It obediently went to hide under a rock. “If we ask nicely, would Tsix find us a nice planet next time, do you think?” 

Sitting opposite them in the hideout where they were waiting for the right time to strike, Wooley suggested dreamily: “With 20°C degrees, low gravity, no venomous anything…” 

“Yeah, I have complaints about the GAR tour,” Waxer agreed with a snort.

“D’you think a gift would do it? What do omwati like, anyway?” Longshot asked, keeping watch at a window.

“Seeds?” Boil suggested, immediately hit by Waxer.

“Don’t be speciesist.”

“It’s an honest question!”

“Omwati are extremely fond of music. As for food, they favor fruits and dishes based on rice,” General Kenobi helpfully replied.

Ghost Company straightened at the return of their General and Commander from the roof. The first seemed amused. The second removed his bucket to send Boil an exasperated look. He hadn’t missed the ‘seeds’ comment. 

“It will be a bit hard to get fruits or rice around here,” Longshot muttered thoughtfully while keeping an eye out.

“I believe Lieutenant Tsix would be pleased by music recommendations.”

“Ha, not Longshot’s recs, I don’t think,” Wooley commented. “Anything he listens to would burst her poor ears.”

“Hey. Galactic metal is great, ok? It’s not my fault if you’re all too delicate to appreciate it.”

Cody put an end to the argument which ensued with a sharp: “Quiet! It’s time. Let’s go.”

*

A few weeks later, Ghost Company and several other squads, including some from the 501st, were back in the briefing room. General Kenobi finished the strategic explanation and stepped aside for Lieutenant Tsix. 

Instead of diving into the crux of the matter without a glance at her public like she used to do, Tsix looked at them directly and started with: “Welcome to the next stop of the GAR galactic tour, brought to you by General Grievous unexpected detour.”

Chuckles saluted her introduction. Rex turned toward Cody with a raised eyebrow.  _ That  _ hadn’t happened the last time he had had a scientific briefing. He would have remembered that. The Commander simply shook his head with a lopsided smile. General Kenobi, who was rather eager to get down and capture Grievous, uncoiled slightly, leaning toward his Commander to share their amusement with a glance. 

“Complaints have been expressed against our previous visit to Ryloth the Terrible. Today I’m pleased to present Saleucami the Bucolic.” She waved toward the holoprojection. “26 hours a day. Gravity at 0.89g. Average temperatures at your landing site of 27°C. Atmosphere breathable with no nefarious additional gases. No venomous spiders. Prairies and woods only in your area.”

Boil and Waxer bumped fists in approval.

“In short, it’s boring,” Lieutenant Tsix concluded with a shrug.

“It’s perfect!” Longshot shouted. “Are there fruits?”

Tsix turned blinking blue eyes toward the excited trooper. “Saleucami is known for its agriculture and orchards, yes.”

“I’ll bring you back some.”

“Oh... That would be appreciated, Trooper. Thank you,” Tsix replied softly.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at lunaemoth.tumblr.com


End file.
